The Emotional Rules of Social Media Engagement

“Emotional?” you’re thinking to yourself. What the hell does emotion have to do with social media? Everything!

I recently shared a HARO query from a reporter looking for sources with a client of mine. (If you don’t know HARO yet, you should know. I’ll explain at the end of this post.)

This client is a fabulous illustrator. She’s also quite new to writing and trying to market her work. She pitched the reporter, which was a big deal for her to get past her own fears and put herself out there. In her pitch, she mentions that her illustration has been featured on BuzzFeed.

The reporter doesn’t respond to her and instead tweets the following:

“I like how people tell me they were featured on a #Buzzfeed “article” as if that actually means something…”

Now I realize the internet is a big place and this tweet may not of been about my client, but it upset her. Her work had been featured on Buzzfeed, and here is this woman saying it doesn’t mean anything.

Be impeccable with your words.

I teach a social media how-two course as part of Wandering Educators Youth Travel Blogging Mentorship Program. It’s all about how to connect with people and form collaborations online.

A while back, Problogger featured an article title Ten Rules of Social Media Engagement covering much of what I discuss in my course, but what neither that post nor my course cover are the parts of social media that go beyond business. That beyond selling, there are emotional rules and gut reactions that guide the partnerships you create through online connections.

It is often easy to forget that we’re dealing with real people behind the influx of information pouring into your head via computer. Once you put something out there, though, it stays pretty much forever.

So how do you make sure that what you post online will benefit you? How do you know that you’re talking to a person who is worth your effort?

THE EMOTIONAL RULES OF SOCIAL MEDIA ENGAGEMENT

1. Don’t take things personally.

A sane rational person will be able to parse personal from business. If you’re dealing with someone who tries to blame or put you on the spot, it’s not about you. it’s about their way of doing business and interacting with others. This is not someone you want as part of your team.

2. Don’t be discouraged by no.

If you’re doing things right, you will hear a lot of No. If, as Problogger’s Rule 8 says, you are going out and seeking people, connections and conversations, you will encounter people who don’t want anything to do with you.

First, refer to my Rule 1. Then keep going. Because as you seek out new people, you will find those with whom you truly connect. You will find people whose philosophies and work ethic match with yours.

3. Be patient.

Just because someone doesn’t reply, doesn’t mean they don’t want anything to do with you. It can mean they’re busy. Or they missed a message. Or any other number of things. Don’t be afraid to follow up, and realize that sometimes it takes time for people to get back in touch.

4. Sometimes you’ll make mistakes.

Yep. We all make mistakes. We overlook an e-mail. Or say no when we should have said yes. It’s going to happen sometimes. The best thing you can do is move on. Just accept it, take responsibility for your actions and learn from it.

5. Follow your instinct.

Sometimes a project or connection seems fantastic. You love the person involved. Or they have a big following. Or the idea you develop is perfect. But when you begin to execute your ideas, something doesn’t feel right. You can’t put your finger on it. Yes, on paper, it all looks great, but you can’t escape the notion that this isn’t going to work. Don’t ignore that feeling.

6. Work with people you truly like and respect.

If you don’t respect someone, you should not allow them to represent you in any way. If you don’t like a person, why torture yourself with a work environment that leaves you rolling your eyes and biting your tongue?

In social media, there’s an endless number of people. It’s not like an office environment in which you have no options when choosing your co-workers. You’re creating your own connections and developing your own projects. Why on earth work with someone who will make the job unpleasant?

7. Accept that you will sometimes be overwhelmed.

Twitter. Facebook. Tumblr. Pinterest. Google+ Stumble Upon. Reddit. WordPress. Vimeo. You Tube.

Are you stressing at all as I read this list? Well, I am. I can’t always keep up with every social media platform while writing, working with clients and living my life.

You will never be able to post every article, chat with everyone or cover every angle. That’s ok. Just know the ones that pertain directly to you and cover them well.

8. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.

I’ve worked with a lot of different people and have found the most successful, professional people treat you with respect. They’ll never ask you to prove your worth or make you feel like you have no value to them.

What did my client learn from all of this?

She tweeted the reporter asking

Hey, was that about me? It’s my first pitch, and I’m just doing my best.

Notice. It fits all rules of emotional engagement. She’s not taking it personally. She’s not trying to prove herself. She’s being straightforward and very much herself.

A few tweets later, all smoothed over as reporter and client realized they have quite a bit in common. My client felt good about standing up for herself. She learned more about approaching strangers on Twitter, even with something that could have been a potential conflict. Best of all, she pitched a reporter, and positively engaged that reporter on Twitter which ups her changes of having her pitch used in the article.

A successful day on social media, I’d say.

A resource where you, too, can pitch and apply the rules

I mentioned HARO above. Help A Reporter. HARO is a resource for reporters and potential sources. Reporters send out their queries looking for sources for their stories. If your business, story, personal brand or the like fits the story, you pitch the reporter and maybe they use you in their story.

Because of HARO, I’ve been featured on MSNBC, Mashable, Huffington Post and more. It’s also a great place for writers and journalists to research and support their stories. I plan to use it to talk to pregnant women for a chapter in the book I’m writing.

I‘m currently developing a free downloadable e-book on pitching which will, among other things, focus on how to successfully pitch a reporter to use you as a source. Sign up for my newsletter and be the first to know when it’s ready to download.

Have you run into any potential conflicts on social media or while pitching? Share your experiences and advice in the comments.

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